Inside the Toolbox: Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "A part of me wants to do this, but another part is terrified"? THat's more than a figure of speech. According to Internal Family Systems (IFS), we're all made up of different "parts" - inner voices, emotional responses, and protective roles that have developed over time.

Rather than viewing these parts as problems to eliminate, IFS helps us understand them as valuable and wounded members of an internal system - each one trying to protect us, even if their strategies are outdated or disruptive.

In this post, I'll walk you through the basics of IFS, how it works in therapy, and why it can be so healing - especially for trauma, anxiety, and emotional reactivity.

What Is Internal Family Systems?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a non-pathologizing, evidence-based therapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. The model is built on the idea that our inner world is made up of many distinct parts, each with its own thoughts, emotions, and roles. At the center of it all is the Self - your calm, compassionate core that has the wisdom to lead your system toward healing.

IFS identifies three main types of parts:

• Exiles - parts that hold pain, fear, shame, or trauma

• Managers - protective parts that try to control and prevent hurt

• Firefighters - reactive parts that distract or soothe through impulsive behaviors (like anger, addiction, or numbing)

  
  

When these parts are in conflict - or when exiles are overwhelming - it can lead to inner chaos, anxiety, depression, or disconnection. IFS helps restore balance by allowing you to relate to your parts from the Self, not from fear or judgement.

How Does IFS Work?

IFS is a gentle, curious, and collaborative approach. In therapy, I help you:

1. Identify the parts that are activated (e.g., your perfectionistic, inner critic, avoider)

2. Build a relationship with these parts without shaming or "fixing" them

3. Access your Self - your internal source of clarity, compassion, and calm

4. Unburden parts from extreme roles or trauma they've carried

5. Reorganize your internal system so parts can rest or return to healthy roles

A core principle in IFS is that every part has a positive intention, even if the behavior is self-sabotaging. Instead of fighting your anxiety, anger, or avoidance, we get curious about why those parts feel they need to show up that way.

This work is incredibly respectful and trauma-informed. You're always in charge, and the process unfolds at your pace.

Who Can Benefit From IFS?

IFS is especially effective for clients who:

• Struggle with inner conflict or feel pulled in opposite directions

• Experience shame, self-criticism, or inner judgment

• Have a history of developmental or complex trauma

• Manage dissociation, emotional numbing, or people-pleasing

• Want to connect with authentic self-compassion and internal trust

• Have done cognitive or behavioral work but still feel emotionally stuck

IFS is a powerful complement to EMDR, ART, and PIT - because it supports integration, not just symptom relief. It's also gentle enough for clients who've been overwhelmed by more direct trauma processing.

What to Expect in an IFS Session

IFS sessions feel spacious, supportive, and exploratory. You won't be asked to relive trauma, you'll be invited to explore your inner world with curiosity and compassion.

We may use:

• Visualizations to "meet" your parts

• Dialogue between you and your internal system

• Gentle inquiry to uncover how parts are trying to help

• Techniques to unburden exiled parts from beliefs or pain they carry

• Mindfulness and body awareness to anchor the work

You don't need to "have it all figured out" to begin IFS. All you need is curiosity and a willingness to connect with your inner world in a new way.

Why I Use IFS in My Practice

IFS resonates deeply with the way I approach healing. It honors complexity, it avoids shame, and it allows clients to feel more empowered and whole - not broken. It's also incredibly flexible and trauma-sensitive, which makes it a foundational part of the integrative therapy I offer.

Many clients feel a sense of relief when they realize they don't have to silence their inner critic or get rid of their anxious part. They can listen, lead, and build trust with those parts from a place of compassion.

Whether I'm using IFS on its own or integrating it with EMDR, PIT, or somatic work, the result is the same: clients begin to feel more internally cohesive, self-led, and at peace.

Moving Forward with IFS

If you're tired of fighting yourself and ready to understand the "why" behind your inner struggles, Internal Family Systems offers a path toward healing that's both deep and compassionate. You don't have to exile any part of who you are to find peace.

To learn more about how I use IFS in therapy, visit my services page or reach out through my contact page to schedule a consultation.

Stay tuned for the next post in this series where I dive into Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR)!